The Crazy Job of "Figuring Everything Out"

Hi Friends,
Does merely reading the title of this newsletter produce anxiety in you? Yeah, I get that. Right now, there is very little that any of us know for sure about how life will unfold in  the near and distant future. Yet a sizeable​ part of what most of us do everyday involves some form of planning ahead. Uncertainty about what's going to happen as we live in  a pandemic world creates question after question, which makes planning ahead feel, well, stressful. Would you agree?

The Brain's Difficulty with Uncertainty

As I've mentioned in previous newsletters, dealing with uncertainty is very difficult for your brain. The amygdala (the part of the brain that wants to keep you safe)reacts very quickly to the threat of any perceived danger by immediately setting in motion the body's "fight or flight" response. High energy hormones (cortisol and adrenaline are pumped throughout your body, keeping it in a physical and emotional state of high alert. This continues until the brain senses you are out of danger, at which time it stops sending out these hormones so that your body can return to a more natural, relaxed state.

Feeling uncertain creates a kind of 'short circuit' in the system. When you are uncertain, the brain will keep searching for information to help you resolve your problem. Your body continues to pump out cortisol and so remains in a state of high alert until it senses you have a 'solution.' The twist here, is that your brain is much less likely to be an effective problem solver while in a state of high alert created when you are uncertain.  And ironically, getting your brain out of the high alert mode and into a calmer state is actually the key to making the best decisions to plan for the future.

The Brain's Difficulty with Uncertainty

How Can You Move Forward When Facing Uncertainty?

Great question!  Anybody who has worked with me knows that as a coach, I never actually tell people what to do. I know, sometimes it's easier to just have the answer! But here's the good news: every situation is unique, and usually, there is more than one way to move forward. But I have a few thoughts.

In general, remember decisions are choices you make using the knowledge you have in that moment. If you need to decide something and are fearful of doing so, it's helpful to let go of believing your solution has to be perfect. The idea of having to make a 'perfect decision' can often paralyze you from moving ahead at all. If you must take immediate action, do so based on the current information available. Obvious, because it is really all you can do. Each option available will likely have both pluses and minuses to weigh. When you pick one, let go of the one you didn't choose. Simply focus on what you gained by the choice you did make. Know that whatever you chose was the right decision for you at that time.  

Here are a few helpful ideas to keep in mind regarding ''figuring out" the future:

• In general, you do not have to figure out every step of your plan in order to get started. As a matter of fact, if you wait until you know everything, you'll never get started, or you may get started much later than is necessary. This pandemic makes your lack of information regarding the future very apparent. There are so many unknowns, after all. But when you think about it, do you ever really know what the future will bring? The idea of being able to "figure things out" with certainty is actually a myth at any time!  The future very often doesn't turn.  out the way you anticipated. The difference is that in the past, you falsely believed your analytical brain was able to accurately figure out what was going to happen in the future. But was this actually true? Did you ever really have the ability to see into the future with 100% certainty? I believe we are all really always operating under a "false" sense of certainty about the future. This false sense of security nonetheless enabled you to move forward with your planning in the past, even though you never actually had the complete certainty you imagined you did.
• Be present for the situation (and your life) as it exists today, right now. Often, solutions become more apparent when you are fully focused on today, and not lost in predicting what will happen in the future. The present moment is where you are experiencing your life, and the only place that your actions can actually an immediate and certain impact. Many well known thought leaders (The Dalai Llama, Eckhart Tolle, and Deepak Chopra to name a few) emphasize the importance of staying out of your thoughts about the future in favor of staying focused on the present. The work of Ariel and Shya Kane centers on staying in the current moment of your life, and their pragmatic philosophy has influenced my work as a coach.        I believe staying present in your life right now, not getting lost in thoughts about  the past or the future, allows you to truly experience your life today more fully and completely. To learn more about the work of Ariel and Shya Kane, click here to go  to their website.
• Challenge the thoughts you have about the future. Remember your thoughts about the future are just that...thoughts. They are ideas that are made up by assumptions in your mind. In truth, the future is an unknown entity. Are your thoughts and assumptions actually true?  Giving weight to your predictions about the future today, at a time when so much is unknown, is like spinning your wheels based on an endless string of (potentially false) speculative possibilities.

A New Way Of Experiencing Uncertainty

The current time in which you are living can feel very challenging. So much is new and different compared to the relative auto-pilot life you were living pre-Covid 19. There is no exact formula for dealing with issues that are up-in-the air for you right now. In some cases, holding off on making any decision at all may be the best route. In my family, we often plan things way ahead of time. Now, this time of uncertainty requires that we sometimes postpone decision making entirely (relatively easy when discussing a vacation or an event), and make other decisions without the comfort of feeling there is a 'perfect way' to proceed (less easy when thinking about a major move or a medical procedure). So embracing the challenges of this time may be the name of the game. Letting go of a false sense of "knowing what to do", and opting to see these situations as being wide open, spacious, and holding possibilities that we simply can't foresee.

Perhaps you too, can reframe some of your uncertainty in a more positive way. Recognize the fact that you can only do the best you can under your current set of circumstances, and relax about the things you can't foresee or control. Acknowledge and have compassion for yourself for whatever feelings arise from this new way of operating. By doing this, you may actually experience the freedom of not having to "figure things out," and simply enjoy your life as it is, right here, right now, in this very moment.

Please take care of yourself, and know that I am here to help you during this time of uncertainty and change. I am offering free Shelter-In-Place phone calls to discuss helpful coping alternatives as they relate to your specific situation. That might be:

• Help dealing with your upset and worry;
• Help recognizing the positive impact of this time on your life;
• Coming up with ways for you to feel more grounded; 
• Creating a comfortable place to voice your feelings;
• Helping you to find effective ways of supporting yourself during your quarantine.

To schedule a time, just click here. 

​As always, if you want to learn more about creating the life you desire by developing healthy habits and mindset, and how you can feel great in your body (without losing your mind), hit reply and send me an email, or call me at (201) 803-3257.

I'm also offering a free Discovery Session to discuss your health and life goals and how I can help you. Click here to schedule your free half-hour phone session with no obligation.

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I'd love to talk to you!

Please take care and be safe!

In Good Health,